As the father of an unborn child, you might have little say over whether your baby is put up for adoption or not. You might feel discouraged or angry that your partner is making this decision. However, it is often the best choice for an unplanned child. You can come to terms with putting your child up for adoption by looking at the situation objectively.
Why Is Your Partner Making This Choice?
Start with the mother—can you understand her reasoning behind the choice? Find a time and place where you two can converse openly and discuss why she feels this is the best choice. If you can listen without letting emotions get in the way, you might find you agree with her and are ready to support her in this difficult decision. Some factors your partner might be considering include these:
- Commitment: Your partner might be worried that neither she nor you are prepared to commit to this new family. If you are unmarried, these worries are even bigger—what's to keep one of you from leaving the other to be a single parent?
- Health: This could be an issue of a parent's health or the child's. If the mother knows she has a certain disorder, she might be worried about being able to provide for a child while still meeting her own health needs. This is especially true for mental disorders such as depression and bipolar. Maybe your partner is concerned about the health of the infant, too. Did she find out that your child would be born with a disorder she doesn't feel adequate to handle? Is she looking for parents who have experience and knowledge that she thinks your child would be better off with?
- Situation: Age and income might be keeping her from feeling confident about raising a child. She might have accepted that already and is now looking for someone who could provide better opportunities for the baby.
Are You Prepared to Be a Father?
While you might desire to keep the baby and be a father to your child, you need to evaluate yourself and determine if you are truly prepared for this role. Adoption may be the best choice if you don't have the support of your partner and other family members. Committing to raising a child might be unwise if you are struggling in any of the following areas:
- Education: Where are you at in your education? Are you still in high school or college? Would being a parent prevent you from finishing your education? While it is possible to be successful without completing your education, it is difficult to rise above poverty if you have dropped out of school and have a family to provide for. Consider how parenthood at this stage of your life might make some of your other goals impossible.
- Career: Are you on a solid career path? Being a father means being able to meet both your needs and your child's. Can you afford childcare with the job you are in? Can you pay bills and living expenses and still have enough left to raise a healthy, active child? Without a solid education and career path, you might have to settle for something minimal and that won't be enough to provide for your new family.
- Emotional Stability: Are you emotionally stable enough to take care of an infant? It may be something as simple as age and maturity, but if you know you get angry easily or depressed often or if you tend to slack on responsibilities, you aren't ready to be a father. Your child needs a healthy environment to live in, and if you aren't emotionally stable, you may not be physically stable, either.
- Habits or Addictions: Are there habits or addictions in your life—such as drinking or misusing medication—that prevent you from staying in control? If your child would be safer with someone else, you need to let your baby get adopted into that safe home. Address those instabilities and work to control your emotions and your habits so you can be a father some day.
While the decision to put a child up for adoption is never an easy one, it might be the best one. As the father, you might feel protective of this unborn child. You might also realize that you aren't prepared to take on the role of parent and your child would be better off with another family. For further information about adoption, look at a website like http://www.achildsdream.org.